Comment: The Bimbo, the Bitch and the Breasts

With the same old stereotypes onboard, is it any wonder Britain is bored of Big Brother?

It’s no secret – Britain is bored of Big Brother; ratings are in freefall. But is it any surprise? The show has become pitifully predictable. And there’s nothing more typical than the show’s female contestants. Once again, the viewer is treated to a parade of pernicious female caricatures, each engineered to enforce stereotypes and evoke the viewers’ contempt.

First of all, there’s Carole Malone; the wicked stepmother of the house. Loaded with jealousy, her bitching has become a blood-sport for Big Brother and his noxious fraternity. She’s a vindictive falcon who loves to leave the other birds with ruffled feathers and dripping wounds. Davina delights in playing the matador – “Who will suffer the wrath of your poisonous pen?” she asks with sadistic glee.

And it’s that bubbling cauldron of a column which causes me the most distress. Perhaps it’s the way that a contempt for her fellow females has seeped into her writing. Her language is barbaric – she likes to refer to make-up as ‘slap’, a knowing nod to her misogynist puppet masters. Without her ‘slap’ she describes Mel B as “a dead ringer for one of the Village People” (even ‘slapped’ she’s “a loud-mouthed yob”) while the slap-less Jocelyn Wildenstein “makes Pete Burns look like Miss World”.

Then there’s Jade Goody. When she first stepped onto the stage of celebrity the public rejoiced, keeping her in the limelight with a playful blend of irony and sympathy. There was something charming about her ignorance. We laughed with her. And we celebrated with her too – celebrated her rise from bottom-of-the-class to top-of-the-world.

Soon the atmosphere curdled. The irony became fetid and sympathy evaporated, giving way to vicious contempt. The media began to take a brutal delight in jester Jade’s humiliation, repeatedly deflating her before setting her up for another fall. The routine became so familiar, that she began to pull the strings herself – pulling out of the London Marathon before blaming her slovenly lifestyle of lager and curries.

Finally there’s the fragrant and feminine Danielle Lloyd. She’s the beauty to Malone’s beast; the princess to Jade’s Miss Piggy. But make no mistake – the peacock has mistaken her perch for a throne and her chains for jewelry. She is Big Brother’s concubine, and no doubt her ‘assets’ will be used in a desperate bid to attract ratings.

And we should be worried. Very worried. Last year the Learning Skills Council warned that 11% of girls saw themselves as ‘waiting to be discovered’ by reality television. Big Brother is seen as the easiest route to celebrity. After all, it’s become a modern morality play – a familiar story for our times. The characters may change but the roles remain the same. So girls, take your pick – the bitch, the bimbo or the breasts.